Why am I here?

Who am I? Why am I here? It’s simple. I’m a writer, just trying to make a living.

That doesn’t seem like so much to ask, does it?

Guess I should have explained that first, huh? Typical me. Always playing with narrative structure.

And yet sometimes I feel like I entered the world of publishing like this …

Like I had no idea half the time whether I wanted in on the whole thing or not. To be honest, I had no freaking clue what I was doing. Just winging it and hoping for the best.

I started off wanting to find a traditional publisher, having been under the impression that it would be a massive mistake to self-publish my work. Mind you, this was way back in the 1990s. So very previous century, right?

However, all I’ve ever wanted to be was a writer. So after sending out numerous query letters to agents and pitching my books whenever and however I could, I was finally picked up by a small press in 2004 and had my first mystery novel Identity Crisis published as part of a three-book deal in 2005. And so I was happy, for a while.

Unfortunately, despite hiring a publicist, making radio appearances and doing the occasional book signing, my sales were just okay. I got some great reviews. I will say that.

But then tragedy struck. My publisher went out of business and, with that, my first novel went out of print nine months after its release. On top of which, I had a stroke in November 2004, which resulted in my developing the movement disorder called dystonia right around the time my publisher died on me (metaphorically, that is). This led to me feeling more like this …

But then, I picked myself up and kept going. And somewhere along the way I decided to hold a fundraiser for dystonia, since the condition is such constant pain in the ass. And there were those who were much worse off than I.

I organized this ride with the able assistance of the Dystonia Medical Research Foundation, in terms of how to set up the budget. Because I needed to set a budget and convince sponsors to back me. I also got the use of facilities and help from the event coordinator at Old Glory Harley-Davidson in Laurel, MD.

Here I am with Donna, the event coordinator, who was super helpful!

I’m on the left. Donna is on the right.

I was so amazed to make this happen.

Here are some more photos of the event.

Me conferring with registration desk volunteers.

And here are some the bikers who showed up.

The guy who looks vaguely like Serpico? :) That’s my husband. He explained the whole poker ride concept to me and it seemed like a fun way raise money for a cause. So, I did it.

I must say, this was a really nice gesture on their part (the bikers, that is), because it rained a bit that day, and the turnout was lower than hoped for.

But we had a band!

We also had food like you wouldn’t believe. All donated!

Plus a cake! :)

And I learned very quickly how to make do with what I had, which included the ability to organize information and manage projects. Which, as you may or may not know, takes a shit ton of work. But I proceeded to do it. Talk about boots on the ground activity. I was literally driving around the area, seeking support from any and every business or organization who’d give me the time of day. That was pre-Internet crowdfunding and other more efficient (I guess) techniques for raising funds.

And despite everything that worked against us—including the fact that so many potential and actual sponsors had never even heard of dystonia—we managed to raise more than $1,000. I was astonished to say the least!

There is more of this story to come. Because it isn’t easy or simple to explain how I got where I am today. A New York Times bestselling author of crime fiction (and a young adult novel) who makes next to nothing from my own work.

So, what do you do when you hit bottom in a deep hole in the ground? Because that’s the point I reached eventually. I wore myself out to the point of sheer exhaustion trying to keep up with five blogs, novel writing, and sharing on social media. Having dystonia did nothing to make this easier. :)

The answer is not to care too much. And don’t waste your time digging even deeper. Use your energy to climb out of the hole.

And that’s what I’m doing here. But there’s more to explain about the whole thing. That’s coming up. As soon as I get the energy to write about it. :)